Eight Life Lessons you can Teach your Children by Eating Dinner as a Family

Looking back on my childhood, I see that one of the greatest gifts my parents gave me was that of making an effort to have dinner as a family every night. The dynamics of who was present and who wasn’t changed over the years, especially for me because I am one of the youngest children, but even when there were just two of us left, my parents still made it a priority to eat dinner together around the table whenever possible.

As mothers we often think we need to do grandeous things to make a difference in our children’s lives, but in reality it’s the small everyday moments, added up, that really make the difference in the lives of our children. I have spent some time reflecting on the everyday moments of family dinner from my own life and have drawn the conclusion that, through that one intentional effort alone, my parents inadvertantly taught me much about life. Maybe you learned the same lessons…..

Lessons I learned at the Dinner Table

• Grattitude: Every family dinner in my home started out with a prayer thanking God for the food we were about to eat and thanking him for other blessings in our lives. We were also taught to thank our mother or whomever had prepared the meal.

• Self-Control: We were expected to wait to start eating until after the prayer. This was especially hard for me, I often tried to sneak a taste of whatever yummy dinner was in front of me. Would it really be a big deal if I took a little chunk of meat or potato? No. But in a world where we expect everything now, now, now or five minutes ago, I am grateful my parents made an effort to teach me to control myself and be patient.

• Things happen faster when we work together: I can’t tell you how many times I whined to my mother about how hungry I was in that bewitching hour we all hate when we are working hard to get dinner on the table. She would always (usually patiently) tell me that if I helped with a few jobs, dinner would be done faster and we could eat sooner. Grating cheese or setting the table for her really did make a difference. I begrudged it sometimes, but I was usually hungry enough to do whatever she asked me to do. In life there are a lot of things I wish were done faster and because I learned this valuable lesson as a child, I know jumping in and helping will get things done alot faster then whining or sitting on my tail feathers waiting for someone else to do everything will.

• Manners: At dinner we were expected to take a portion and then pass the food (to the right) to the next person. If you wanted something during dinner you didn’t just reach accross the whole table to get it, you asked the person closest to it to please pass it to you, and said thank you afterword. You used utensils, and your napkin. If there was a limited amount of something you took a small portion so everyone could have some. My parents didn’t really push the “ask to be excused” thing, but I don’t remember anyone getting up to leave until everyone was finished….without realizing it at the time, I think we valued that time all together at the table.

• Listening: Dinner time was a time to find out how everyone’s day was, or to talk about what we had going on that week. On Sunday’s our parents always asked us what our lessons had been about at church. The great thing about talking at dinner is that you have a captive audience. They are eating and can’t help but listen. It is a great time to talk about meaningful experiences you had during your day (serving someone, current events, something kind someone did for you or you did for someone.)

• There are times when electronics are not appropriate: No one had ever heard of cell phones, iPods, or Facebook when I was growing up, but TV and music were just as popular then as they are now. It is tempting to leave music on, answer a text or turn on your favorite show during dinner. It is extremely tempting to take your plates and sit on a soft couch in front of the Television….we are still eating as a family, right? Well Technically yes, but I think eating as a family in front of the TV is something you should reserve for a rare treat where you do something fun like pizza or some other finger foods and a movie. The point of eating together is to spend time together without outside influences interrupting. Show your kids the time is important to you by giving them your full attention for the few precious moments you are all gathered together. There are so many things to distract us all day long. We need to protect that one hour a day of valuable real “face time.” It may be the only communication you have with your teenager all day.

•  Resolving Conflict: Well, like anything else involving siblings, there is more then likely going to be some conflict at the dinner table from time to time. Choose carefully how you handle it at the dinner table, you might be surprised what those kids are internalizing from your actions. How do you handle it when someone spills the milk, is kicking their brother just to annoy him or says they hate what mom made for dinner. I learned alot about how I wanted to handle conflict in my life by watching my parents and how they handled it, sometimes I learned what I didn’t want to do and sometimes I learned what I would want to do….like I said you never know what those children are internalizing as they watch how you handle stressful situations and/or conflict.

• Somebody has got to do the dirty work: We had weeknight dish nights and Sundays we alternated boys turn one week and girls turn the next and so on. As a little girl I spent many a Sunday, hiding in the bottom of the linen closet hoping no one would find me until after the dishes were done. I was so naughty sometimes. Even with my naughty streak I still learned the importance of cleaning up after dinner. I think it is a lesson we can apply to many aspects of life. There will always be tasks that are not your favorite,  but somebody has got to do it and no matter how long you wait to start, the dirty job will still be waiting there for you.