If you’re new here, read my first What’s for Dinner post to get filled in on what’s going on. If you’ve been to this rodeo before, let’s get to business.
Tonight we had cabbage rolls for dinner. I love cabbage rolls. Instead of using all ground beef for the filling I grated a bunch of veggies and threw them in with the filling. They were delicious.
However, I made the fatal mistake of not getting them put together and in the oven before the kids got home from school. I literally thought I was going to have a mental breakdown trying to get them made and in the oven while simultaneously helping the boys with their homework. Thatcher was in rare form and it was all I could do not to lose it. It didn’t help anything that Charlotte was having a breakdown over who knows what and the baby was also screaming during the whole fiasco.
It was one of those moments where I found myself saying (in my head) “Why do I even bother?” and the lyrics of that Adam Sandler song from The Wedding Singer were playing on repeat in my head, You know, the one he sings for Drew Barrymore when they are looking for a wedding singer….”somebody kill me please, pretty pretty please kill me, I want to die, put a bullet in my head…..
Tell me I am not the only one who has that song go through their head in these moments. And don’t worry, in my head it isn’t morbid it is actually pretty funny. 🙂 Maybe you have to have seen the movie to know that is is funny…don’t worry I am not suicidal.
Did I mention during that whole making dinner homework fiasco there was a 30 minute period where Thatcher was in the bathroom screaming and crying for me to wipe his bum for him and when he realized I really wasn’t going to do it he started asking how long until Dad would be home….That kid!!!!
You wouldn’t know from this picture but the rest of the night didn’t go much better. Especially with Thatch. To many details to mention, but by the time dinner was over I was ready to hop the nearest train that could take me as far away from all the crying, whining and meltdowns as I could get.
I snuck into Trever’s room to feed him and started having a bit of a pity party….feeling like I’m failing as a mom, especially with Thatcher, he is so hard right now. I don’t know what to do to help him…it’s a long story that I’ll have to save for another day, but we’ve been dealing with some really hard behaviors with him and as selfish as it sounds, sometimes I just feel like I deserve a little break from some of the hard things that Apraxia brings.
So needless to say, when Conner came looking for me and found me feeding Trever I had a few tears running down my cheeks. He wouldn’t let up about wanting to know why I was crying. I debated on whether or not I should be honest with him and decided to tell him part of the truth. I told him I was feeling like I’m not a very good mom lately because I feel like I get angry too much and that sometimes I don’t know the best ways to help Thatcher and it makes me kind of sad.
He gave me a pretty incredible pep talk for an eight year old. Besides telling me that I am a really good mom, he told me that even if I have hard days or feel angry I can keep trying to get my patience back and that it’s okay to make mistakes and I just have to do my best. Then he told me the most important thing I needed to do was to pray and ask Heavenly Father to help me. How did my little boy get so smart?
By the time he was rapping up his pep talk the rest of the family had somehow made their way to Trever’s room and when Conner gave me a hug, the other two jumped on and dog piled me. They thought it was hilarious and wouldn’t get off so Sim was able to get a quick shot of the shenanigans. I’m just glad they were covering my face so you can’t see my red blotchy eyes. I have to admit the doggy pile did help me feel a little better.
When they finally got off of me I took a long hot shower while Sim helped them do the dishes. By the time I got out I was feeling like I could probably handle life again.
I hope all of your days were a little better then mine and if they weren’t just read back through Conner’s pep talk. We can do this. We can get our patience back. It’s okay to make mistakes. We just need to do our best….and most importantly, make sure to pray for help.
Keep it Real!!!
Maria
Big Mama you are one of the most amazing women I know! It’s good to know that you too have hard days. You are blessed with such a beautiful family, because you are strong enough to do it! Luv ya and miss you!
Thanks Lacey, Miss you too friend. You know just what to say to make a girl feel better. 🙂 I hope you and your cute family are doing well. I love it when you post pics on facebook. Luv ya!
Oh honey! You call me on nights like this and just cry it out! I have had too many of these nights lately. Maybe it’s the time of year. You are a fantastic mom and I always look up to Lyou. I hope tomorrow is better.
P.s. That song has never run through(btw this is a spelling word this week and if you can explain to a 3rd grader why it is spelled this way and how to remember, I will send you a chocolatey treat!) my head but you can guarantee that it will from now on!
Lets go ahead and blame it on the time of year. I would also like to blame it on the fact that I am doing a weight loss challenge (and i know you are trying to be good too) so we can’t sneak off in our closets for a candy bar to make us feel better. And don’t even get me started on 3rd grade spelling. HA! Love ya friend, thanks for your sweet words of encouragement!